


Fire Breathing Flying, Tentacle Pigs (With Battle Axes)

by Rainbowrites



Series: Daemons in the Dark [2]
Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 17:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowrites/pseuds/Rainbowrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers make bets on what monsters they’ll be fighting this week. Somehow it devolves into bets about blowjobs. Just another day in Avengers tower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire Breathing Flying, Tentacle Pigs (With Battle Axes)

**Author's Note:**

> just another day at the tower, takes place in the same universe as Looking For My Heart but far more fun and crack-tastic. Also, I am NEVER EVER writing all these people in the same place at once - WAY TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON, UGH, I HATE TRYING TO KEEP TRACK OF EVERYBODY

“I’m telling you, I crunched the numbers, we’re totally due for a fire-breather.” Tony gestured with his fork, just to see the little wrinkle between Steve’s eyes get deeper.

“You don’t go against your gut, and my gut is telling me tentacles.” Clint cocked his head as Loquis nearly crawled inside his ear. Tony shuddered. “At least seven.” Clint nodded, his voice heavy with certainty.

Natasha didn’t look up from where she was cleaning her nails with a _way_ too big knife. “Wings. $20.”

Tony opened his mouth to say that Natasha only wanted wings so that her daemon would have something to do on the battle field, before slowly closing it again. Natasha nodded at him. He was learning.

Thor shook his head vigourously. Tony ducked instinctively away from the attack of blonde. “Nay friends. I have honed my instincts on the battlegrounds of Asgard, and I tell you truly, we will be facing a horde of snouted creatures. Perhaps wielding axes.”

Tony and Aster side eyed each other. That was weirdly specific. “Is there something you wanna tell us about those battle fields buddy?”

Bruce chuckled lightly as Kali whispered in his ear. Tony wondered vaguely if her whiskers tickled. God knew Aster could always use a shave. It was really a pity she’d bitten the razor in half the last time he’d tried it. They could have had matching goatees.

“Share with the class Kali-kins!” Aster shouted, lobbing a dinner roll at the cat. She batted it out of the air easily, smiling back at the bonobo with razor sharp teeth.

“Aster!” Aria shouted, bristling.

“Chill out.” Aster replied, baring her teeth in a simulacrum of a smile. “She’s fine.”

“We were just thinking that maybe fire breathing flying, tentacle pigs were going to attack Manhattan next.” Bruce said peaceably.

“Fire breathing flying, tentacle pigs _with battle axes_.” Tony corrected him.

Steve rubbed his temples, “I’m pretty sure those are impossible.”

Tony grinned at his sweet, sweet naivite. “Betcha ten bucks and a blowjob they’re next.”

Steve frowned, but nodded. “Deal.”

Aster swallowed her fork. Aria dived straight into Aster’s mouth to drag it back out.

“Steve, do you know what a blowjob is?” Bruce asked slowly, politely ignoring the choking chimpanzee on the floor.

Steve looked uncertain. “It’s like a snowjob isn’t it?”

“The bet stands.” Natasha said, rising abruptly. “I’ve got to go to headquarters.”

Clint watched her go, cheeks still pouched out with food like a chipmunk. “Ten bucks says she’s off to genetically mutate fire-breathing flying, tentacle pigs and then arm them with battle axes.” He shoveled another heaping forkful of sweet potato mash into his mouth.

Loquis picked up his slack, “Those pictures will sell for _millions_.”

Bruce chuckled slightly, playing with Kali's ragged ear, “I wouldn’t say no to a few million.” Kali purred loudly, ignoring the look of utter betrayal Aster shot her.

“Indeed!” Thor said heartily. He pet Mjolnir absently, the way one might pet their daemon. He did that more and more the longer he stayed on Earth. “My Jane is often bemoaning her lack of funding! I have offered her all the jewels in Asgard’s treasuries, but she insists that I am not to be her Father of Sugar.” He slapped Tony on the back. Tony went face forward into his sweet potatoes. “I thank you for your generosity my friend!” 

Aster gurgled.


End file.
